Be More than a Client Account Manager — Be a Myth Maker
C-4 Analytics is looking for people who believe in mythical things, like unicorns, zombies, the market effectiveness of Inflatable Wavy Arms Man and Google to join our growing team of people who apparently deliver mythical things to our clients.
It goes something like this: One of our friends repeatedly says on Facebook that SEO is a myth. He's got a lot of followers who respect his opinion, which apparently makes him an "influencer" in that digital marketing jargon that everyone uses. He's said that SEO is a myth on the Internet and that newspapers are the way to go. Unfortunately for us, everything on the Internet is true, so apparently even with all this data-driven digital marketing, we're not doing anything of any real value.
In spite of this, we have somehow amassed a roster of very impressive clients who have become leaders in their marketplaces and enjoyed significant growth in website traffic and sales, all of which must also be imaginary because it is built on the myth of SEO, PPC, ORM and social media marketing. The extra money our clients make is real enough to them, however, and that's what seems to matter.
Some of our clients "were here 40 years before the Google and will be here 40 years after the Google." OK, we get it — smartphones, tablets and computers are a complete fad. Therefore, target marketing on them must also be a fad. Yet we've been so successful at promoting this passing trend of online marketing that our company is growing, and we have an immediate opening for an Account Manager. Armed with our streams of in-depth performance data, you will contribute to the myth of digital marketing by improving online market penetration and escalating customer interest. You will develop insights based on behavioral analytics of these phantom online users and develop strategies that help your clients drive larger numbers of very real sales. In essence, you will be a myth maker.
Fluency in languages spoken by mythical creatures is a plus, as is a strong working knowledge of Google Analytics and AdWords, Microsoft Excel and Word, experience talking to clients, and the proper operation of a Keurig coffeemaker. Seriously, don’t even submit a resume if you have been caught leaving your K-Cup in the machine after brewing coffee. Past experience in mythical endeavors is a plus, particularly in the shadow realm of digital marketing, retargeting, etc.
Anyone with the ability to deliver actual results from these well-constructed myths will be given top consideration and may even be named Shaman of the Month, an honor that includes a monogrammed prayer shawl and all of the candles you might need to summon the digital marketing god of your choice.
If you think you have what it takes to be a myth maker — er, Account Manager — please send a resume and cover letter and be willing to answer a few questions. But don’t even think about leaving the K-Cup in the machine once your coffee is brewed or you will meet our real-life resident ninja.